But I...

A friend of mine with whom I traveled to Cambodia a couple years ago put this as her Facebook status today:

"If you think ministry is just about you and your moment in history, you'll hurt a lot of people. You'll be driven by a power base. You must believe you will never lose anything by giving it all away."

I read it, re-read it, then read it again. How often do we make "ministry" about us without even realizing it? How often have I thought,

Well, if I go there I have to raise support and I hate the thought of relying on others financially at this moment in my life, or, If I go there will I won't really have a community or anyone I know...?

I won't have this...

I won't have that...

I can't do that...

I'm not really sure...

I...

I...

I have then been pulled away from the very purpose of the ministry itself by the greatest distraction - myself. This is true to whether a person leads worship, leads Bible studies, does missions, etc. It's not about me and how I can make it better, or how I can create an awesome worship service. No, it's never about me. 

Lately, I've been thinking and re-thinking my decision to move back to China. I honestly have no idea where I stand on this. One day I don't feel like going anymore, the next day I'm screaming "ADVENTURE TIME!" in my head at the thought of it. One day I'm thinking Cambodia, the next day I'm thinking of getting my Master's degree. Nairobi. Slums. California. Poverty. New York City. No boyfriend ever. Art. Music. What will everyone think of me? Mind jumble! If there's anything that I need prayer in right now it's focus and clear direction. 

So as a reminder to myself: 

~ Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness 

And all these things shall be added onto you

Alleu, alleuia 

Atlanta, GA, 2013 (personal photo)