Summit Grove Camp 2014

"You shine like a million suns ablaze, 

wrapped in eternal light and praise, 

Jesus the First, the Last, the Bright and Morning Star" 

Another year of camp has come and gone. It's hard to believe the last time I attended camp was two years ago and already it's over! However, I was so blessed by everyone that came out and I know the Spirit was at work. It was so evident from praise, to group devotions, to late night talks and just overall goofing off. Thank you, group 8, for being such a fantastic group to work with and lead. You guys certainly made my job easy as a leader this year and thank you, Khai, Mark, and Joan for being amazing co-leaders. It still ceases to amaze me the maturity of some of you kids still in high school. You all were so willing to open up and share such relevant thoughts! Praise God for such an incredible time, as exhausted as we all were by the end of it!

I'm still processing everything that happened this weekend. I know I found myself distracted by a lot of things outside of camp so I'm praying through that too. Below are some photos I was able to take thanks to Mark and his Canon Rebel. I'm happy I got to get back into my little photography hobby that I departed from a bit ago. I'm so ready to get back into it!

how rare and beautiful

I can sense a change in the winds, an unsteadiness in my heart, and a sail headed towards a new course. I've been finding myself lost in my own thoughts more and more these days. I've become more absorbed into myself even with friends, even when surrounded by people. Maybe I'm just tired.
Decisions are being made. Things seem like they are falling into place. I find myself longing to be on the coast, in the woods, in the mountains. I feel the sweetness of being alone in solitude, the goodness of self-exploration. I feel a desire to leave this place, to leave home and start anew. Yet there is still part of me that is drawn to what is known, to what is comfort and comfortable. There is still all of me drawn to the people here, their love, the community, their company. I want joy. I want peace. But I need change. My eyes long to set themselves on something new even if for a little while. I want to be meaningful. Wherever I may be I want to be utilized to my utmost potential. I want to be loved. I want to love. I want to feel valued. I want to give heart and soul.

I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time
That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes
- Saturn, Sleeping At Last 

Nostalgia

I have been so obviously nostalgic these days. As of the last couple of weeks I've closed out the option of moving back to China within this year. And that's okay. I've felt more peace with this decision than when I was trying to head out there, creating deadlines for myself, pressuring myself to feel like I need to have it all together by the end of 2014. However, I do still miss that season of life.

With the weather progressively getting warmer, I am reminded of the weather in Nanchang. Early mornings here remind me of when I used to wake up early at 6am or 7am to study Chinese, walk down to the wet market for fresh produce, or buy bao zi for breakfast. The sun is warming the asphalt earlier and earlier and the smells are similar to what I used to experience in Asia. These days the rain reminds me Nanchang and the wet season and monsoon like weather too. Certain songs I listen to now take me back to my time living in Shanghai and the feels I got when I listened to them then. It's funny how I think of life in pre-China and post-China time now. That's something my sister and I discussed when came home last year. She sees life in pre-Greece and post-Greece (she lived there with her husband for two years before moving back to New York City). I wonder if my other sister, Emilie will see her life in a pre-Bahrain, post-Bahrain timeline. Heh, we Krajans sure do love adventure.

But here's to new adventures and new beginnings, new endings and books closed. I'll make it back out there sometime. 

My name is Elizabeth

I am thankful for the Lord and His faithfulness. I feel like today, today especially He has been making Himself clear to me. I feel like He has put on my heart a renewed sense of compassion. Today, I mistakenly found myself at the House of Prayer in Ephrata but He encountered me as I prayed in that room and I felt the weight of Him, of the Spirit on me. It was like a pressing down on my forehead, on my face, onto my chest. There was burden, oh, there was such burden as my eyes were opened to the brokenness of the world and the nations. He broke something in me that needed to be crushed. There are still parts of me that need to be broken into bits and pieces; glass that needs to be shattered and obliterated into sand.

I met Melody Green on the street today, along with some friends and she prayed over each of us. She prayed over me and prayed for the name that I want to live up to: Elizabeth. It's strange but this has been a theme for me since January. Living up to my name of Elizabeth. Elizabeth, the woman who knew Mary was pregnant with Jesus. Elizabeth, the woman who was a comforter and told Mary she wasn't crazy. During her prayer for me, Melody said I had a gentleness about me yet a powerful and ferocious spirit. I couldn't help but smile and feel honored that this Messenger was speaking into me and encouraging me in that way. She was right when she said there is a strength in me I have yet to realize. I still don't understand this strength that I have but I must recognize it. Whether I use my voice, my hands, or my feet, I carry the responsibility God has given me to impart His goodness to all those I encounter and meet.

Lord Jesus, bring light to my eyes and peace to my soul. I want to keep on seeing you, keep on hearing you, keep on feeling you. No feeling is final but you are infinite.

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" - Luke 1:45